My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
