Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
