is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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