well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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