He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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