she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
