it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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