apparently the secret to your success is patron
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
