i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
