Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
