PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
