My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
