Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
