so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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