It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
