I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
