I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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