yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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