im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
