It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
