There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
