I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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