My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
