i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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