i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
