Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
