what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
