Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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