my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
