I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
barbara walters just said penis...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
