What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
