Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I supernannyed him into submission
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
