I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
