you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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