she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
