My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
