careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
PANTIES FOUND
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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