you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
