Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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