i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
