theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
