summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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