Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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