he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
