Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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