Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
