You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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