so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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