I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
