I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
