he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
