I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
