I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
